Well, it’s my last semester. As a chapter in my life is coming to a close, I hate that an old one continues to resurface once again in my dreams…

I remember hesitantly asking my counselor years ago towards the end of my therapy, not really expecting any answer. It’s been years, when will the nightmares stop? How can I make them stop? She said that sadly there wasn’t really anything I wasn’t already trying to make them go away, that they would hopefully leave on their own as the years passed by.

Last semester I was so happy and barely had any, and I realized that they only come back when I’m stressed. Seems obvious right?

I’m so close to graduating, but I’ve already had 4 nightmares in 3 weeks when I previously got them down to once a month and it’s just. I’m very. Tired in the mornings. And at night because it’s hard to sleep when you know what’s waiting for you. I hate that this is where my head goes when I’m under stress, there’s gotta be better ways to cope.

I’m trying meditation now, I KNOW I could benefit soo much from it, but it’s honestly really hard!! As someone who likes to focus by having a lot going on in the background to distract me (TV, music, stream, etc.), focusing with nothing to…focus on? is really, really hard. I’m trying the Headspace app and I like it so far, I know I’ll get better with practice.

Is it May yet????

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This is a Good Place

It took me a few months after my first relationship ended to realize that it was emotionally abusive.

It took a few years to realize that I was raped.

In spite of these things, I also realized I want to make a good place for myself. I’m here to chronicle the strange and sometimes scary path of self-love and acceptance after abuse, and I hope that I can help others with my writings.

Remember: We are deserving of love!

– C